American Idol Season 8, Salt Lake City (SLC)

I think I've added a new city to my ever-growing list of possible future vacation destinations... Salt Lake City, UT is beautiful! It boasts vast mountainous horizons, beautiful sunrises and overwhelmingly nice people. Which, really, what did I expect? It is after all, the hometown of sweet, soft-spoken David Archuleta, Season 7's runner-up.

Audition after horribly rejected audition, contestants actually THANKED the judges and graciously bowed out of the audition room. It was sickeningly sweet, and rather annoying. Even as much as I drill into my children's heads remind my children over and over to use their manners, I can't help but giggle when a few American Idol logos float across the screen censoring some choice words and gestures. Yes, I know it's hypocritical and probably a little wrong, but it does make for some entertaining TV. Ryan Seacrest even spoke to contestants offering them advice to speak up and basically talk back to the judges...I think he might've been a little worried about the entertainment factor as well!

Tara Mathews, who Ryan dubbed "Salt Lake City's only goth," claimed she had ESP 'pretty strong', but was not able to read the judges minds (or faces for that matter!) upon entering the audition room scantily dressed in all black shirt, gloves, mini skirt and thigh-high stockings with garters showing...which probably would have looked great on "bikini girl" from the Phoenix auditions, but "goth chick" was more the size of Kimberley Locke, pre-Jenny Craig. Yikes. That was harsh, but even I don't need signs from the dead telling me to leave the garter belts undercover (or on the sales rack)! "Goth chick" left the SLC auditions quietly sending out a message no mindreader need interpret...hence the floating AI logo.

While I'm playing Fashion Police, how atrocious were Randy Jackson's leopard print cowboy boots paired with a charcoal/black Superman logo tee? And does he ever wear the same glasses two days in a row? In Jacksonville, he wore the navy tinted ones to match the fabulous tangerine shirt with navy palm trees and awesome red frames the 2nd day there. Back here in SLC, Randy played it safe with black frames...we certainly wouldn't want to draw attention away from those ferocious boots, now would we? Seriously, the man must own more pairs of glasses than Simon owns gray v-neck tees! And Randy might want to consider firing his stylist...or, you know, HIRE ONE!

Also tonight, I think we saw Randy Jackson's Top 5 Signs Your Audition is Going Horribly:

• *5. The Chuckle...You know the one that escapes when you're thinking "do I laugh out loud, or should I spare your feelings?"
• *4. The Beat Down...Randy sat there hitting his forehead repeatedly, during "Goth chick's" audition. It was THAT bad.
• *3. The Wide-Eyed look...used mostly in combination with sitting back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest, trying to avert eye contact from the contestant.
• *2. The Pen Nibble...with or without playing with his oversized watch, usually trying to avoid the chuckle. If that doesn't work, Randy reverts to:
• *1. The Cover-Up...where he holds his judging papers up in front of his face to commence uncontrollable chuckles...I guess he's not aware soundproof paper hasn't been invented yet.

Another super sweet music family based in Utah are the Osmond's. Auditioning tonight was 29yr old (isn't the age cut off 28 btw?) David Osmond, who is the son of the oldest Osmond brother, Alan and his wife, Suzanne. In true Osmond style, a minimum of 20 family members congregated together to show their support for him at the audition. After a long story featuring the Osmond brothers' music history and Alan and David's battles with Multiple Sclerosis, David sang a religious song from a group called Take 6.

The judges warned David to sing songs performed by solo artists and not to think of himself as part of a group any longer. David did an okay job...a job I thought Simon would have called "rather forgettable." And I have to wonder if his last name wasn't Osmond, if he'd have been put through to Hollywood round...after all, there are "like a million of us" {Osmond's} as he kept reminding the judges, so I'm thinking he'll be Top 12 material in order to guarantee that many viewers.

American Idol is certainly tugging at America's heartstrings this year, featuring fewer golden ticket winners and longer interviews on each audition episode than previous years and focusing on the ones with a sad history.

So far this season, in addition to David battling MS, we've been introduced to the blind guy, a son who cares for his mom with a seizure disorder, the widower who's wife passed about a month before his audition, numerous previously homeless people, a girl caring for her 93yr old grandma, and then there's the recently dropped-from-a-recording-label Joanna Pacitti (which Idol was upfront to reveal, apparently learning a lesson following season 7's Carly Smithson controversy), just to name a few. Salt Lake City's storylines included a stay-at-home-mom, a recently divorced young mother, and a 17yr old orphaned girl.

Salt Lake City was not in short supply of bad auditions either, including the iguana-looking guy with the wagging pointy tongue and darting eyes, and a Carrie Underwood wannabe. And if you ever wanted proof that the gimmicks don't work (ie. bringing your own cheerleaders into your audition or painting your face like a zebra while singing Mr. Zebraman), you got your proof in Chris Kirkham, who brought along Greg the Rabbit, or "Grabbit"...a very large man in a very pink, fluffy rabbit suit, complete with floppy ears and tail.

"Some people bring the lucky rabbit foot, I've brought the whole rabbit," Chris explained as Grabbit hopped into the audition room behind him, greeted with a Simon Cowell eyeroll. I personally thought Chris had a really nice Rascal Flatts sound to his voice, but I don't think Simon could hear it, nor did he give him more than 20 seconds of listening. Sorry, Chris. Maybe you can try again next year with just a rabbit foot on a keychain...hidden deep in your pocket. After showing Simon some love, Grabbit and Chris scurried out and departed to the looney tunes theme song.

Following Golden Ticket recipients Amy Winehouse look-alike and sahm Frankie Jordan, 23yr old recent divorcee and mommy of a 2yr old Megan Corkrey, 17yr old Senior Class President Austin Sisneros who I can only describe as the blonde David Archuleta (just as soft spoken and singing songs waaaaay too old for his time), and 16yr old 5'11" Taylor Vaifanua who Randy compared to Jordin Sparks, was 17yr old Rose Flack who's dad raised her until he died when she was 13. Rose now lives with an adoptive family after her mother passed in an accident when she was 15. She's had a rough life in her young years, but Rose has what the judges called "a cool vibe" and "something memorable," even though they agreed she's "gotta work on the vocals." I think Rose is super cute and her life, should she succeed on AI, will probably make for a great True!Hollywood Story one day.

But that's jumping ahead quite a few years...Rose and all the other contestants have to survive Hollywood week first, after all.

And on a weird-things-only-Kati-might-notice-note is: a)that all of the featured Golden Ticket winners have been passed through with unanimous YES votes from the four judges (with the notable exception of Jacksonville's TK Hash, who Simon didn't remember from last years' auditions, but Paula and Randy did) and b)all of the Golden Ticket winners seem to have exceptionally pearly white smiles and I am wondering if this was a service AI provided or if its just a vast coincidence...I'm thinking service provided.

Audition episodes wrap up Thursday night, featuring contestants from the NYC and Puerto Rico auditions, in what FOX is promising to be "the most dramatic episode yet." Sounds interesting.

My DVR is already set, is yours?!