We've known it for a while now. The kids began noticing a few months ago. I mean, think about it, we take up quite a bit of space! Two parents, two boys aged 5 & 7, a 18month toddler boy, and two blue carseats containing 7month old boys.
It started at Walmart. There was one particular day that we got more than the usual "ALL boys?" or "Are they all YOURS?" On this day, a man, after asking if they're all mine, asked, "Do you want to borrow my Taser Gun?" Me: giggled politely, not really sure where the conversation was going. He said, "No, really. Then next time he comes after ya, you can just give him a little juice." LOL. He meant my husband, and his rather insatiable need to produce (or atleast PRACTICE producing) offspring. Hehehe.
Well, that day, we were stopped by the usual older couples, blessing us and our beautiful family. MonkeyButt (7) wiggled his finger to whisper in my ear, "Wow, Mom, you were right. People really do notice us." Ya think?? We had had several conversations lately about our behavior and how people go to the same places we do, not necessarily to witness a bunch or kids screaming and running around, but to get their groceries or eat out in peace.
We met a couple of our friends, who have a daughter SpiderMonkey's age, for lunch at Olive Garden a few weeks ago. We had a large table surrounded by a few two and four seaters. There was a small group of women finishing up nearby when our food arrived. Of course there's the scramble of cutting up kid's plates while shuffling your own stuff around, but our hungry monkeys waited patiently. I guess threatening their lives out in the car just before entering paid off (JOKE!). KingKong fielded the "beautiful family" comments down at his end of the table, which we appreciate always and can't get enough of! Then one of the ladies said she could tell we're a great family by the way KingKong got up and walked MonkeyButt's plate around the table, rather than reach across to set it down. (WTH?) So, if you're a big family reading this post, beware, you're every move is being judged!
I've known this since the twins were born. I'll NEVER in my life leave this house unshowered or in sweatpants. I call my car 'my makeup kit on wheels.' I like it when people think I've "got it together," even if I don't happen to feel like it some days. We especially feel the eyes and hear the ringing in our ears when we bring our triple-wide stroller into the mall. I think it's funny to catch people trying not to stare, but doing the head-nod when they're doing a head count of all the monkeys. But or trips to the mall take longer now, because we are stopped so many times for people to oooh and aaah. It's okay really, because we're prepared. Nobody's in dirty, holey play clothes. The faces are washed (USUALLY!) and manners are (HOPEFULLY!) present.
Yesterday, we had a couple errands to run in town and decided to divulge MonkeyButt's request to try the Breakfast Buffet in town (yes, THE breakfast buffet in town at the ONLY sitdown restaurant in town. Small town livin' ova here). It was a rather pricey request, but it had been some time since we'd all been out to breakfast on a weekend.
Upon entering, as usually happens in such a small town, we were greeted by some friends on their way out the door. The recent birth or their daughter (JEALOUS!) had them at 1-1. I'm 0-5 dammit. Anyhow, I gushed over her smallness and cuteness, and PINKness for the standard 12 minutes, while filling up the entryway. I mean, the princess had tights on and they weren't even TIGHT!! That's how small she is. *gush* So precious.
We sat in the middle of the room, at the largest table, of course. The seating configuration went SpiderMonkey in highchair, then KingKong, then myself across the table from MonkeyButt and CuriousGeorge. The Twinkeys stayed in their carseats on the floor next to me at the end of the table. We fielded a few questions from the old timers behind us. "Were they born together, etc."
I realized yesterday, it must've been a mom who invented the concept of buffets. I mean, I was in and shoveling food onto plates and everyone was eating in minutes. It was great. Even the Twinkeys were wonderfully quiet.
But I still had an uneasy feeling like everything could fall apart any minute. And the culprit? The toddler girl seated near SpiderMonkey. She wasn't really into her food, I don't think, or her highchair and let everyone know it. I kept peeking around KingKong to make sure it wasn't SpiderMonkey being the grumpy bug. Thankfully, he sat quietly eating his pancakes and orange slices. Phew.
GrumpyBug was with her mother and a couple who I believe was GrumpyBug's grandparents. We had not seen them before (there used to be a time when everyone knew everybody else. Things are changing around here). They had been seated when we arrived, so when they finished, the grandmother took GrumpyBug out to the car, followed by her mom. When GrumpyBug's grandpa stood up, he asked, "What do you do in your spare time?" I giggled politely, thinking he was eluding to the babymaking process like others, then he continued, "Soap Operas, Bon-bons..." I replied, "Riiiiight," smiling. He donned his coat and went up to the cashier.
We were fielding questions from another older couple who had just come in and SpiderMonkey was entertaining them when the waitresses came over to let us know that the gentleman in the red hat (GrumpyBug's grandpa) had paid for our whole breakfast because "your boys were so well-behaved."
Wow.
Thank you.
