Why Is It...

...every time I try to sit down and blog, someone spills something or needs a nap or is about to get up from a nap or requires a diaper change? I have some posts floating around in the abyss that is my brain...but naptime's almost over and I've got to find and wash soccer jerseys and matching socks, because we wouldn't want to be uncool playing soccer in one white sock and one black one, now would we? Noooooooooooooo. *sigh*

I'll do this one real quick...

I am… avoiding doing the laundry.
I want… a maid to do it...and she can bring her twin sister that is a chef/dishwasher
I wish… I hadn't deleted the PCHWinningWays email without reading it, they could be on the way to give me my big check and I have nothing to wear.
I hate… that money makes the world go 'round and I never seem to have enough.
I miss… my dad. We need to plan a trip soon!
I fear… something bad happening to loved ones.
I feel… hungry.
I hear… Tigger on TV and SpiderMonkey counting the change that was in my pocket.
I smell… white grape/raspberry juice that he just plopped on my chest and asked me to pour.
I crave…Chinese food, Baaaaad! Hmmm, maybe I'll bring some home after the gym tonight...nah, I'll just skip lunch and engorge myself on the way to the gym. Noone has to know, but me, right?
I really...can't wait to get back to the gym tonight, it's been a few days.
I search…for friends on Myspace...I'm kind of a stalker...it's an addiction!
I wonder…if Chuck is on tonight, and if my DVR is set to record it.
I regret…not going to the gym Thursday, but KingKong was feeling a little neglected.
I love…my husband and all our awesome children.
I care…too much about what others think of me, sometimes.
I ache…nowhere, which means I haven't been to the gym recently. I get it! I'm going! Enough already! Stop hounding me!
I dance…in public only when I'm suuuuuper smashed. In private, I dance with SpiderMonkey, MonkeySee, and MonkeyDo often.
I sing…pretty well, but I'm no American Idol!
I cry…EVERY time I watch "A Baby Story" on TLC. Every.Damn.Time.
I don’t always…do the dishes after every meal.
I fight…the urge to eat chocolate for for lunch everyday.
I write…on my blog and no one knows...just YOU!
I never…want to fail my children.
I listen…to my ipod while I'm tanning.
I need…to figure out why my cd burner isn't working ever since I downloaded itunes.
I am happy…my family is healthy (with the exception of a few too many runny noses)
:o)

Thinking Positive Thoughts

I've been trying to keep things light around here lately. Not letting on that I'm kinda freaking out a little. The busy-ness of being a mom is starting to kick in with Tball three nights a week and doctor and dentist appointments peppered in between.

Of course, you might've seen this. We have a consult with a neurologist at the end of May.

Plus, last week at SpiderMonkey and CuriousGeorge's doc's appointment, we had one of the RN's. She checked SpiderMonkey's history and saw he was hospitalized for croup over New Year's. Then she listened to his heart and asked if I'd ever been told he has a murmur. Yes, I had.

I think the first time someone mentioned it was at a sick appointment (so we had a different doc) when I took SpiderMonkey in for a fever around 9months. The doc at that time said that it could just be that the fever was making is blood flow faster and so he was hearing it then, plus it was before I had the Twinkies and the two bigs were at school, so the room was exceptionally more quiet than usual. He chalked it up to "he's a healthy boy, obviously growing well, so it will probably work itself out." Phew.

Well, last week, the RN asked if they did a workup of his heart when he was hospitalized for croup. No, they hadn't. She listened longer and said that if he was 3 or 6 months old and she was hearing this, being that he's so big and healthy, she would've said, eh, it'll work itself out, but she said that now that he's pushing two years old and it's still there, she said, "that makes me say Hmmmm..." Holy Freakout. Not in the office obviously, but later. Anyhow, she did say that it could be 'functional' or 'innocent,' I think were her words, but she'd like to see a workup on it now.

So that is tomorrow's doctor appointment. An ultrasound on SpiderMonkey's heart. Whoa. I haven't even really teared up about it until I just typed that sentence. I have a good idea that it will be as she said, functional. That's where my mind is right now. I've avoided looking up things on the internet yet, but I feel that coming as soon as I finish typing this. It's kind of my thing.

When the kids are sick with an unknown illness, some people pray or cry or hang onto the doctor's every word. I research. I guess I'm always looking for the positivity of the situations or to find out what is really going on, like when one of the Twinkeys had Pyloric Stenosis and they told me for two weeks it was just acid reflux, as every meal hit the wall behind me.

*Big sigh* I feel better just having typed that. I haven't told family members yet, because really, I don't know anything. My dad and sister live hundreds of miles away and my mom and I are going through some things. I just didn't want them all freaking out for this past week like I was, not knowing anything. Damned if I do and damned if I don't in this case.

I'm still positive about tomorrow. Obviously he would be looking sickly if something major was wrong.