Sometime while I was rushing around this morning, skipping baby baths and slathering them with yummy lotion instead, I became brave enough to do something this mama monkey has never done before.
I think it was between the lather and rinse steps of my 3-minute shower that I thought, welllllll, we WILL all be up AND dressed AND out, and CuriousGeorge DOES need a birthday present for BarbieGirl's party tomorrow, why NOT go to Walmart after dropping the two monkeys off at school? Why not, indeed. Don't worry, I quickly talked myself out of it. Until I realized we were down to 5 diapers. Hmmm, could I stretch it 'til KingKong gets home? *sigh* Better not risk it. Shit.
Don't get me wrong. I looooooooove shopping. And for me, a mom of five monkeyBOYs, to be given the opportunity to shop for PINK items absolutely MADE my day! But the prospect of going it alone at Walmart for the first time--with so many monkeys under the age of 2--had me hyperventilating into the Burger King bag from last nights flyby dinner that was left on the front seat. After dropping off the two monkeys at school, I called my husband for a quick consultation...
ME: "You're not going to believe what I might be stupid enough to do today...go to Walmart."
KINGKONG: "ALONE???!?" My thoughts exactly.
We discussed the seating arrangements of the cart I'd be pushing and the one I'd be pulling behind me. We decided it would be best to put the Twinkeys in their carseats in the caboose and strap SpiderMonkey in the front to the engine cart, lest he be twisting around to talk to me (from the caboose) and would be swinging from aisle signs in no time.
I had the store all mapped out. Directly to diapers, wipes, formula, and baby food, swing past the shoes to get laces for KingKong and MonkeyButt, browse for Barbie bathing suit for birthday girl (I put together a beach bag for her), grab a couple candles (Hazelnut Coffee YUM!) before breezing up the toy aisle, heading straight for water toys/bubbles/beach bucket, grab KingKong's deodorant, a birthday card and we'd be back at the front of the store again ready to checkout. Phew! I knew I could do it...unless...
Sometimes the Twinkeys do this thing where they need to keep moving or else...The best way for me to describe it is the movie SPEED. You know, where Sandra Bullock has to drive the bus above a certain speed or else it will explode. Well, bleach my teeth and call me Sandra! The Twinkeys used to do it in the car. They'd fall asleep on our bumpy country roads, but once I got into the city, stopping for the lights, I felt I had to maintain a speed of atleast 25mph or else a bomb or two would go off in the back seat. It really is laughable, but I wondered how fast I'd have to go in the store to not set off the detonator.
Turns out, not too fast. They did great! And once I got through all the roadblocks of people with the timeless classic, "Boy, you've got YOUR hands FULL (ya think?!?)," we were on our way home in one, well, four complete pieces.
NOTE TO SELF: It's cheaper to stay home in your pajamas all day!