Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thinking Positive Thoughts

I've been trying to keep things light around here lately. Not letting on that I'm kinda freaking out a little. The busy-ness of being a mom is starting to kick in with Tball three nights a week and doctor and dentist appointments peppered in between.

Of course, you might've seen this. We have a consult with a neurologist at the end of May.

Plus, last week at SpiderMonkey and CuriousGeorge's doc's appointment, we had one of the RN's. She checked SpiderMonkey's history and saw he was hospitalized for croup over New Year's. Then she listened to his heart and asked if I'd ever been told he has a murmur. Yes, I had.

I think the first time someone mentioned it was at a sick appointment (so we had a different doc) when I took SpiderMonkey in for a fever around 9months. The doc at that time said that it could just be that the fever was making is blood flow faster and so he was hearing it then, plus it was before I had the Twinkies and the two bigs were at school, so the room was exceptionally more quiet than usual. He chalked it up to "he's a healthy boy, obviously growing well, so it will probably work itself out." Phew.

Well, last week, the RN asked if they did a workup of his heart when he was hospitalized for croup. No, they hadn't. She listened longer and said that if he was 3 or 6 months old and she was hearing this, being that he's so big and healthy, she would've said, eh, it'll work itself out, but she said that now that he's pushing two years old and it's still there, she said, "that makes me say Hmmmm..." Holy Freakout. Not in the office obviously, but later. Anyhow, she did say that it could be 'functional' or 'innocent,' I think were her words, but she'd like to see a workup on it now.

So that is tomorrow's doctor appointment. An ultrasound on SpiderMonkey's heart. Whoa. I haven't even really teared up about it until I just typed that sentence. I have a good idea that it will be as she said, functional. That's where my mind is right now. I've avoided looking up things on the internet yet, but I feel that coming as soon as I finish typing this. It's kind of my thing.

When the kids are sick with an unknown illness, some people pray or cry or hang onto the doctor's every word. I research. I guess I'm always looking for the positivity of the situations or to find out what is really going on, like when one of the Twinkeys had Pyloric Stenosis and they told me for two weeks it was just acid reflux, as every meal hit the wall behind me.

*Big sigh* I feel better just having typed that. I haven't told family members yet, because really, I don't know anything. My dad and sister live hundreds of miles away and my mom and I are going through some things. I just didn't want them all freaking out for this past week like I was, not knowing anything. Damned if I do and damned if I don't in this case.

I'm still positive about tomorrow. Obviously he would be looking sickly if something major was wrong.


Mandy said...

Kate...I am so sorry. ((hugs)) I hope that things go well. I will definitely be thinking of you guys tomorrow. I would be researching, too. That's what we do as moms. We figure it out. Hang in there!

andreawilliams said...

Gosh I am sorry. How scary. Hope that everything turn out ok!

We are THAT Family said...

Wow, I'm so sorry you are facing so many things right now! It's a lot for one mom. I'm thinking about you and will say a prayer for a positive appointment tomorrow!

utahsweeney said...

I will pray for great results! That's a lot all at once!

Becky @ Boys Rule My Life said...

Being a mom sure is a tough job. No one expects you to keep it all together, but at the same time somehow they do. So much stress for one person... that only another mom could even hope to understand. I know the stress from my family of five; I can't imagine having to juggle more. You do a great job. It's obvious. :)

I hope tomorrow goes super great. I will pray for SpiderMonkey and you. I'm a prayer and a researcher. Oh and a good "holy freakouter" sometimes, too.

Wishing you some calm, boring days soon! (We can wish can't we?) :)

iheartchocolate said...

TRY try try not to worry. It could be completely innocent. Don't wig out before you have to. Just have a general plan, if it goes this way-we do this, if it goes that way-we'll do that. Surely, they would have caught anything terribly serious earlier. Or like you said, he would seem ill.

Don't worry. Keep us posted!

justmylife said...

Good luck tomorrow! If it helps any, my mom has had a heart murmer since she was born. She is 61 now and it has never gave her a problem. You have had your hands and heart full, glad you finally shared. I think it helps to just get it out there.
I am a researcher and prayer. Sometimes research is a bad thing, it can scare the living crap out of you. Best of luck with all the appointments, my thoughts are with you. Here's hoping for a wonderful, healthy post tomorrow!

angie said...

Good luck at both seems like it's always something, doesn't it? I'll check back for updates!

Heather J. said...

Thinking lots of positive thoughts for you.

It's hard to keep things bottled up, so don't....BLOG.

Anonymous said...

I hope you are already home from the doctor and all is well. I'm praying for your little guy. I am also an internet research junkie, so I feel for ya. Hang in there!